I'll Change
by shoppinglegends
Summary: ONE SHOT. Brendan. Ste. Doug. In one room where all the emotions come pouring out. Will Stug pull through? Or will Stendan prevail. Or will Ste just walk away from both?


**So this oneshot is just a little something I decided to come up with. I love Stendan but I think the best scenes are always the ones where we see Brendan declaring his love and being vulnerable as I end up crying like a baby. So hope you enjoy and please review!**

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Brendan walked into the deli for his daily drop in.

Its been 3 months now, 3 months since he saw Doug and Ste kissing.

89 days since Ste had said he wanted to give him another chance.

88 days since he had his heart ripped out, again.

Now Brendan wasn't playing the victim. He knew what he had done to his Steven was...unforgivable.

But just maybe, maybe their love for each other was strong enough. Maybe his love for Steven was strong enough to change their ending.

Walking into the deli Brendan's eyes immediately went to the 5'9" slim build, brunette boy. He could honestly stare at him forever. His heart dropped a bit as he felt a wave of emotion after remembering that the American standing next to Ste was the one that had him. Was the one that got to be the last thing Ste saw at night and the first thing.

Shrugging off the thoughts, Brendan with his bold stride reached the counter.

'What can I get you?' Ste said letting out a sigh.

'Choices, Choices...so many choices' Brendan joked, taking his time as he takes in the fact that the only thing between him and Steven was the counter. That the only thing that would stop Brendan from pulling Steven in and kissing him right there and then was himself.

'Just pick Brendan!' Ste exclaimed, clearly not amused. 'What do you want?'

'You.' Brendan stated, staring straight into Ste's eyes. 'I want you, Steven.' Not once, looking away from Ste.

Ste shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't surprised after all Brendan had been coming into the deli at least twice every single day for the past 3 months. Interfering with whatever the Irish man could. Given his opinions where they weren't wanted and his presence certainly where it wasn't wanted.

Ste let out a big sigh and turned frustrated, 'I can't do this anymore.'  
'And I certainly can't deal with it anymore! I won't take it anymore!' Brendan's eyes snapped to the American. Doug. 'I will not have you waltzing into our deli and acting as if you still own Ste. He's mine! When will you get it into your head Brendan? He doesn't want you. He's over you! And I'm damn proud of him for doing so!'

'Shut up!' Brendan snapped. 'You know nothing! You...You' Brendan stuttered 'What do you know? This...This is nothing. Its just puppy love. You've had your fun now Steven, come back to the real world. Come back to me.'

Silence filled the room and what was a few seconds felt like hours.

Turning to Ste, Doug calmly said 'Tell him, Ste. Tell him what you asked me last week. Tell him whats happening this weekend.'

Ste looked up at Brendan, almost sheepishly and looking almost as if he was guilty. Trying on his best smug face Ste proudly said 'It's serious Brendan. Me and Doug. We're moving in together. We've found our own place and all. We're gonna do it. We're gonna have a proper go at this. I love him. I love Doug.' Ste stated. Trying to make it as clear as possible that Doug was the one for him, that Doug wasn't just some rebound. Doug was the real thing.

Doug smirked turning to look at Brendan. 'See? Give up Brendan. You lost. For once in your life you lost. Just leave us alone yeah?'

Brendan froze in his spot, suddenly realising the real seriousness of what he had just been told. Ste and Doug weren't just messing around. They weren't just having a fling. It was getting serious. Way too serious, way too fast for Brendan's liking.

His plan to slowly wait and poke at their relationship and wait for the cracks to form weren't going to work now. They were getting stronger and stronger by the day. Before he knew it, he would have lost Steven completely. And this. This was not acceptable.

Dismissing everything that had just been said and ignoring Doug, Brendan looked at Ste. Slowly and cocking his head to the side he struggled to get his words out, shifting his balance between his two legs and said :

'I want you Steven, Isn't this what you want? Me owning up to my emotions, me accepting them? Well I am now. I want you.  
Brendan cleared his throat. '...I love you.'

'Its a little too late. Its too late Brendan. It's just a little too late.' Ste sighed. 'I'm with Doug now. I love him. He loves me. He's good for me. We're good together. We're...uncomplicated.'

He looked at Doug and smiled. With that same proud smile he had given Eileen when he had thought Brendan would finally admit to being in a relationship with him.

Brendan just stood there, unmovable. Struggling to accept what the love of his life just told him, he attempted one last plea. 'Steven...' he hesitated, preparing himself for the possible outcomes to the question he was about to pose. 'Steven...' he repeated 'I'll walk away, I'll leave you alone to play happy families. I'll get out of your life. Once and for all. If...' Brendan hesitated again.

'If what Brendan...' Ste said. Not sure whether he wanted to hear what Brendan had to say, not sure what his unpredictable ex would demand.

'If you can look into my eyes...and tell me in all honesty that you don't love me anymore...that from the bottom of your heart you don't hold some feelings for me. That you don't wish we could have made it. That you don't sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be with me. Be in a proper relationship like what I'm offering now. Just tell me you don't love me anymore.'  
To Ste that last request sounded almost like a plea from Brendan to Ste. Asking for the reason so that Brendan could admit finally what the circumstances were.

'I love Doug, Brendan. I'm sorry.' Ste managed to say. Grasping Doug's hand in his own.

Brendan's heart dropped, his eyes fluttered as he tried to hold back the tears, unsure where to look and stumbled backwards. 'Ok...' he muttered. 'Ok...a promise is a promise yeah?'  
He said putting his focus back on Ste. 'I'll go. I'll leave you alone yeah?' Brendan said with a hint of hope and questioning that maybe Ste would take back what he said and say 'No! Wait...I love you. I've always loved you.'

But it never came.

The declaration of love Brendan had secretly hoped for, for months now, never came.

It just never came.

And Brendan realised almost for sure then that it was never going to come. He turned to open the door and placing his hand on the door knob and as he was about to turn it, he took one last look at Ste.

Ste. The one man who had somehow gotten under his skin. The one man who had somehow gotten in under the wire, undetected and stayed there. The only one he would do anything to protect apart from his family. The one that brought him joy if even its just for a little while or even if its just a smile. The one that never ceased to make Brendan amazed at how wonderful he was, how beautiful he was. The one.

'Wait...' Doug spoke up. Brendan turned around just to see Doug pulling his hand away from a now puzzled looking Ste.  
'He still loves you...Ste still loves you.' Doug managed to say.

'What?' Ste said, clearly taken aback. 'I don't Doug! I'm in love with you. You!'

'You didn't answer his question.' Doug said, sighing, offering the reason as to why he believed Ste was still in love with his ex.  
'What?' Ste asked, acting confused but clearly knowing what Doug meant.

'You said you love me.' Doug said. Trying to keep his emotions intact and not fall to pieces in a blubbering mess. 'You said you love me...' he said recollecting himself. 'But you never said you weren't still in love with him. You didn't answer his question.'

Doug and Brendan both fixed their eyes on Ste.

'Well?' Doug asked. 'Do you still love him or not?'

'I...' Ste stuttered. 'No" No" I... No Doug! I don't love him. I don't love the Irish psychopath who beat me up and made me feel ashamed of myself! No! I love you.'

'Who are you trying to convince Ste? Me or yourself?' Doug shot back. His voice with a mixture of anger and hurt. He didn't know what to feel about this. Deep down he always knew that the passion between Ste and Brendan would never be truly over. He could see it in the stares Brendan gave Ste. He could see it when Ste and Brendan were around each other. The tension. It wasn't the kind of tension you had with someone you hated.

'No no no...I can't believe this is happening!' Doug exclaimed as he buried his face in his hands. 'I can't believe I was so stupid. Actually thinking I would have a chance with you. That we could be happy together because you won't ever be happy with anyone else Ste! Anyone else but Brendan.' Doug ranted...even surprising himself at what conclusion he had brought himself to.

'I can't do this' Doug said and brushed past Brendan to leave the deli, ignoring Ste's shouts for him to stop, for him to just listen to what Ste had to say. Stamping out all chances for Ste to explain. He didn't need anymore lies. He had to admit the truth. Reality. He was just a rebound, a filler for Ste to suppress the desire he had for Brendan.

Ste stood in shock. Unsure what to feel. Unsure how to act. Looking at Brendan he started screaming. 'Look what you've done! Are you happy now? Are you finally satisfied that you've ruined my life again? Even when you're not in the relationship you manage to mess everything up! We're not right Brendan! We're not meant to be! You're like poison! Sooner or later you will break me down beyond repair! I can't deal with it anymore! You NEED. TO. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!'

Brendan stared at the mess in front of him. His heart continued to break into even tinier pieces, if that was even possible. He didn't move. Waiting for Ste to calm down.

Ste shook his head in disbelief. In a calmer voice he said 'I gave you your chance Brendan. We had our time. It's over. It's been over for months. Just let it go. Let us go. Let me go.' Ste plead.

'Its never been over for me. Not really.' Brendan shot back in reply. 'And I know it isn't over for you. I told you you would always be in my head. I wasn't lying then and I'm not lying now. I want you Steven. I love you.'

'But I can't take another round of us Brendan. I can't take another round of your secrets, your lies, your turning tables. I can't and I don't want to. Maybe I still love you. Maybe. But no matter how much I love you, it will never change what happen. It will never change the fact that there is some part of me that is scared of you. Scared of what you could do to me. I know you better than anyone else Brendan. I know what you're like and you won't change. Not even for me.' Ste stopped, tears streaming down his face as he stared at the man he once loved. Still loved.

Brendan stared back at Ste, unable to hold his tear back. Hating how vulnerable he had become. Sniffing and wiping his tears away, he said. 'I will change Steven. I will change for you. Just you watch. Everything I've done is for you. It will always be you. You love me and I love you. You're the one. '

'But you're not my one Brendan. I might have thought, once, that you were. I was younger, naive. I'm not anymore.' Ste said trying to pull himself away from the thought of being with Brendan. Trying to cover up his emotions for the Irish man.

Brendan sighed. He turned the deli door to walk out and right before shutting it, he turned to Ste 'I'll change.' He said 'For you.' and walked off, leaving Ste alone, conflicted by his emotions.

**_Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to review! xx_**


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